"Honey, what can I do? To know the exact reason, I should have endoscopy, the doctor said."
A call from my wife in a hospital. I told her to go to the hospital she's had a stomachache for a few days.
"Then you should do. You'd better have shut-eye one 'cause it makes an effort."
"But... he said... to have it... a guardian should be here..."
I know what she is worrying about. She's wondering if I take an awkward position because things are really bad at my company nowadays.
"Don't worry. Visiting the hospital early in the morning, I can arrive at the office by noon. It's okay, everything I have to do is just talk in advance, so just make an appointment."
I told a big talk but in this situation, everyone got sensitive, it's uneasy to tell it.
"Do you want to get you family affair though things are getting worse? Are you the only protector of her? Anyway, finish all the job you have to do even do the all-night work. and deputy Mr. Kim, you should get tension."
The head of department has a harsh voice. But 'Get tension'?? He doesn't care about my affairs? I'd better look another job for.
"Hey, you guy, You'd better know that your company is in better situation. There are pleanty of offices which don't have any work."
"But... there must be one in better condition. Um.. How about Dae han where Han-sung works?"
"You didn't know that? He was advised to resign 3 months ago. Major companies are getting restructing. Just stay there."
I heard a bitter news when I met a university old boy with hope against hope. I feel like be all chocked, so I didn't change into a shuttle bus, just walked to home. A lot of distracting thoughts from the regretting what I didn't receive recruitment offer from a good condition to the wondering what I have to do if my company starts restucting tangle in my head.
"Son... I implore you for my daughter, Jee-young."
"Don't worry, mother. I'll care for her. Take care yourself when you are alone. I'll often phone you."
"All right. I just trust you."
After we married, my mother-in-law passed along a request her dauther again and again holding my hand with her hands. After her husband's death, since my wife was young, she's loved her dauther dearly. And she felt empty, marry off her beloved daughter far away. Just for my mother-in-law, I decided to love my wife truly. Ha... then, I was confident to my wife happy. At work, I was driving on without a stop. However..it began to be scared the dickens out of me. With being overcome with apprehensions, I get a headache.
"Honey, are you coming? Your dinner?"
“I had it with one of my friends. Did you make the appointment?"
"Ur... that... I thought it would cause you in convenience.. so I would get the test without anesthetic. Then I don't need any guardian they said."
I have a fit of anger because of the last word.
"What? What are you talking about? If you get the test like that, you must be sick. I said I would go. Why do you make me say the same words again and again?"
At last, I raise my voice. It must be the word she wondered a lot in her own way in the whold day. Her back hanging my suit in the closet feels sad and a little bit bitter. I hate the inconvenient silence, then I found a Bible on the dressing table whild I was looking for the remote control.
"What the Bible?"
"Ah, Soo-yeon's mom who lives in the neightborhood visited me today. Their whole family goes to the church together."
"So, are you gonna to the church, too?"
She reads my unsatisfacted face and answers in confusion.
"I just..looked for some impressive verses she told me."
She told me that she went to a small church when she was young with her mother. I've heard that she was going to the church while she worked, but I didn't pay attention.
"What is that?"
She looks rosy from my interests.
"Would you like to listen it? A second."
She looking for the words in the bible turning the pages with large eyes looks so cute.
"Here. 'Don't be afraid. I am with you. Don't tremble with fear. I am your God. I will make you strong, as I protect you with my arm and give you victories.' How's this?"
"Well.. then it means that the God is the guardian? Good. So he must be able to go to the hospital instead of me for you, doesn't he?"
"Boo~~ what is that~ Why did you ask me if you acted perverse? How mean."
I shout at my wife going and doing dishes in the kitchen grumbling.
"Those who rely on religion are weak, I think. I'll protect you. So you just trust me."
"Surely I trust you, but..."
She was about to say something but stopped. I didn't ask 'cause it looked nothing. A tired day.. I really wanna take a shower and sleep.
"There's nothing special. It's just neurogenic gastritis, so you should take some medicine after meal, and be careful not to be stressful."
It was good but dragged me down. Another worry... Noon already. I should go work without lunch.
"Hmm...It was nothing... I feel pent-up."
She feels constraint.
"I'm satisfied that it's not a serious one."
"You should have lunch. Let's go home. Hurry."
"No, that's OK. Don't be unreasonable. I can have something lightly at work."
"It takes an hour to your work. Let's eat something at that snack bar over there."
She lost her balance holding my hand and stepped off on the roadway.
HONK~~~
"Hey!!! What are you doing!! You ran into the roadway!!"
"I.. I'm sorry."
The driver glared at my wife bowing down. I got upset at his eye.
"So I said that I just went. Why do you make me tired?"
"Sorry..."
I didn't want to read her a lecture, so I just walked without saying and arrived at the bus stop.
"I'll get on the bus here. You'd better go home and take a rest. Don't forget to take medicine after lunch."
"I got it. See you at home."
The bus arrived when I was staring my wife's back. Many people lined up long to get on the bus though it wasn't rush hour. I tried to see her again. But.. something's starange. I can't find her.
CRASH!!!!!!!!!!
In the embulance heading for the emergency room. I feel like get mad when I saw my wife gone off into a faint. She was holding a invigorating drink in her hand in the accident. She didn't go home straight, instead, she visited the drugstore across the street. When I get tired because of night work, she often prepares it for me. Tear was poured out seeing her hands. The small and soft hands have become skinny like dried branches. Getting married, I promised her to make happy, but I've broken the promised for a long time.
"Jesus... What's going on? Accident to my daughter...?"
Heard about the accident, mother-in-law came. She looks pale.
"I'm so sorry.. All of these are my fault."
By the test finishes, I sobbed hugging her.
Fortunately, wife got some light bone fractures and abrasions without any serious internal injury. A few days later, she left the hospital with a splaster bandage on her leg. And her mother went back to the farm after taking care of her.
"Oh.. your husband brought something delicious today, too. You must be happy."
"Yeah... You're so blessed."
On the way home, I bought some seafood and fruit my wife likes and met the neighbors she'd said a few times.
"Ah...yes..how are you?"
"Today, we made Kim-chi, so we brought it. I wish you like it."
"The salted fish you gave last time was very good. Thank you so much."
"Don't say that. We are neighbors altogether. The better thing is what she's gonna take off the plaster."
When I got into the house, wife welcomed me with specially bright smile. I loved the smell and color of that Kim-chi. It looked tasty. After dinner, while I was doing dishes, wife said this and that peeling the fruit. I guess she got a lot of happy happenings today.
"Honey.. Can I go to the church with Soo-yeon's mom after taking off this plaster?"
"...Do you want?"
"Yeah. I've studied about the bible today, I feel fresh and satisfied."
"What did you study today?"
"Something I've thought through the life. Whether there's spirit, if so, what happen after death, really can a person life fully only with his own effort... Like these things."
"You can't trust me anymore after the accident in case?"
"haha.. you cute. No.. Never."
She sighs after a short laugh and keeps talking.
"When I was young, dad was the strongest guy in the world. But he died suddenly because of the accident... I was just a little girl, but I remember clearly the died dad's cold face. I couldn't believe it at first. but time flew and I learned that every person dies like dad. Anything the reason was..accidents, disease, whatever.."
She always said that she is happy owing to she got married with me. But I've seen the loneliness on her face time to time. The reason of the loneliness was that? The matter of life and death.. I don't know the answer, either.
"I know that you always love me. But both you and me are imperfect. Then how secure it is if God the Lord keep us like his eyes from the start to the end of the life."
With shining eyes, she talked and it looked serious. I recognised that I can't stop her will. I can't make a big talk anymore that I'll protect her and I sincerely learned that all of the people in this earth are imperfect.
"Then.. I'll go with you."
"Really?"
She looked so surprised but happy. She must has wished that I guess.
"You go, I go. It must be a little uncomfortable after taking off the plaster. I'll help you."
"Thank you, honey. You read my mind."
I made a protext but actually, I want to know the guardian who protect us everlasting get over the boundary of life and death.
That night, wife's face asleep looked so comfortable. Just like...a peaceful face of the child who finished all of her piled-up vacation homework. The peace spread on my heart.
